


Family Matters

by SixtyFiveRoses



Category: Major Crimes (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 03:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SixtyFiveRoses/pseuds/SixtyFiveRoses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After hearing that Rusty is living with Sharon, her mother and ex-husband come to LA. Their visit forces Sharon to deal with some painful truths and events from her past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It's been a long time since Sharon got to spend a quiet and calm evening. Those evenings have been especially rare since Rusty came to live with her. She loved Rusty, she really did, but he changed her life and made them more eventful. It wasn't something she was not able to handle. She was glad that Daniel Dunn was out of the picture and that Rusty was once again safe and seemed to be feeling happy with her. Sitting in her living room, a cup of herbal tea and a book she's been dying to read for a very long time in her hand, she brought her knees to her chest and was so concentrated that she barely heard the irritating sound of her phone.

"Sharon," She heard Rusty's voice. She put down the book and looked at him. "Your phone."

"Oh." Sharon said and grabbed the phone from the table. Without looking at the screen to see who it was, she picked it up.

"Sharon, finally." She heard her mother's voice.

"Hello, mother." She said, rather coldly into the receiver. "How are you?"

"I heard this rumor and I hope it isn’t true," Her mother's voice was high pitched, which was an alarming sign and Sharon knew it. Something was wrong and if not, something was going to become wrong very soon. "…that you have a boy in your house."

"I don't know who told you this, mother." Sharon threw a glance at Rusty who seemed to be listening. "But yes, the rumor is in fact true." She tried to sound proud and confident. Truth was that she was confident with taking Rusty in, but not very confident about her mother hearing about it.

"Sharon Elizabeth, are you out of your mind?" She knew this would come. Maybe she should have lied about Rusty.

"Mother, I'm a grown woman. I am very capable of making decisions about my life on my own." She was assuring herself, mostly, because her mother obviously could not ever be convinced of that. Sharon was an only child and her mother thought it gave her the right to criticize and interfere with her life.

"You know, Sharon, it seems like it's time for me to come for a visit. I haven't been to LA in quite a while." Her mother stated. "And if you don't mind, Alfie will be joining me."

"I do mind!" Sharon said, but her mother already hung up on her.

"Who was that?" Rusty asked. She forgot he was listening.

"My creator." Sharon grinned. "She wants to meet you." She tried to smile, as if her mother visiting her in LA would be a good thing but Rusty was smart enough to figure out that it was a fake smile that was hiding something else.

"You're not happy with this." He stated.

"No, I'm not." Sharon admitted. She sighed and gazed at him softly. "My mother heard about you being here somehow." She started. "She's not very happy with this."

"Are you?" Rusty asked. He found it odd that Sharon did not tell her parents about him.

"I am happy that you are here, but my mother… Well, you'll meet her pretty soon and see for yourself." She replied. "And Rusty, I cannot stress this enough, be nice to her. Be very nice and very polite."

"You're scared of her." Rusty stated. Sharon's expression froze on her face. "What did she do to you?"

"Nothing." She shrugged. "She just has a lot of expectations." Sharon Shrugged and grabbed her book, bringing her knees to her chest and leaning over them.

"Sharon," Rusty interrupted her after a while.

"Hmm" She replied.

"If you want to know the rest of the story, then you'd have to turn the page." Only then she realized that she was just staring at the book blankly. She closed it with a faint thud and put it on the table.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed now." She said as she grabbed her cup from the table and put it in the sink. She reached out for the sponge.

"Sharon, don't worry about it. I'll wash it." Rusty said.

"Are you sure?" She asked. Rusty shrugged. "Okay. Goodnight, Rusty." She walked to her room and closed the door behind her.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Three knocks on the door disrupted the almost normal evening that Sharon and Rusty were having. Sharon looked at the door anxiously before opening it. The way she acted since her mother announced that she was coming for a visit seemed odd to Rusty. If his mom came back to town, even if it was just for a visit, he would be delighted. He would do anything just to be able to see her and it didn't matter how bad she was to him or that she left him in the zoo and fled. Sharon must have had a reason to hate her mother, he thought. There was always something deeper when it came to Sharon. She knew more about him and his life than he knew about her. She stood with her hand on the doorknob and turned to look at him. He could see the inner turmoil reflecting in her eyes. She pushed the doorknob down very slowly, as if it was stuck or very heavy and the door opened.

"Sharon Elizabeth Hayes," Her mother called out as soon as she walked through the door.

"It's Raydor, mother." Sharon corrected. Hayes was her name from marriage.

"Help me with my luggage." Her mother commanded. Sharon went outside and carried her mother's huge red and black suitcase into the hall. "Hayes is a good name. You should keep it."

"Thanks, mother, but I'm fine with Raydor. It's a great name too." Sharon replied and helped her mother take off her coat. "Rusty, come say hello." She said. Rusty put down his laptop and walked over to the living room. "Mother, this is Rusty Beck. Rusty, this is my mother, Victoria Raydor."

"So… You're that kid…" Victoria, who was just a little bit shorter than Sharon and didn't look anything like Sharon at all, gazed at him through her thick fake eyelashes.

"I am." Rusty replied. Normally he would be rude or smart, but Sharon asked him so nicely the night before to be polite to her mother and he knew that he should be, because it seemed like Victoria's visit was a big thing for Sharon. "It's very nice to meet you." He held out his hand to shake hers, but she ignored him completely.

"Sharon, why is your hair so long?" Victoria's dark eyes inspected her daughter from top to bottom. "And those glasses… You look old." Rusty could not believe he just heard anyone talk to Sharon this way. "And this makes me look old." Wasn't Sharon's mother in her mid 70's? Rusty wondered. That seemed quite old to him and the way Sharon looked didn't seem to be even remotely related to this.

"Mom, my hair is fine." Sharon replied.

"You gained weight." Victoria continued. Rusty was dumbstruck. His mother was mean sometimes, but only when she was drunk. Victoria seemed to be very sober and still was very mean to Sharon. He started understanding why Sharon didn’t want her to visit. 

"I lost 6 pounds." Sharon replied and walked to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of white wine and offered one to her mother.

"You must be crazy if you think I'd touch that." Her mother said. "You shouldn't drink this either. Maybe you should start going to some AA meetings."

"Mom, I'm not the alcoholic in this family." Rusty glanced at Sharon. Her hands were shaking and she tried very hard to keep her composure, the one she rarely lost. It was obvious to him that she was on the defensive. He fought the will to say something clever to Victoria. He hoped he doesn’t get to the stage where he lost control over his tongue.

"Mrs. Raydor, can I offer you anything to eat or drink?" Sharon looked at him with pride.

"Justin," Victoria said.

"It's Rusty, mom." Sharon corrected her.

"Quiet, girl." Victoria replied sharply. Sharon cringed. "So, Rusty, how did you get here?" Rusty wasn't very sure what it was she wanted to know. He felt his face flushing.

"You know, mom. Rusty still has some homework he didn't finish." Sharon replied. "Rusty," She said, her voice was soft yet firm at the same time. Only Sharon could master that tone. Rusty liked it when she used it, unless it meant trouble for him.

"It’s nice meeting you, Mrs. Raydor." He said before he sat down to the dining table to finish his schoolwork. Sharon made tea for her mother and inquired about her father, of whom Victoria didn't seem to want to expand. All Rusty was able to make out of their conversation was that Sharon was very worried about him.

"Mom, it's getting late. I'm gonna take you to your hotel." Sharon said when her mother started picking on her again.

"I'm not staying at a hotel this time, Sharon." Victoria exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" Sharon looked truly horrified.

"I'm gonna sleep here. What did you think?"

"Mom, the spare room belongs to Rusty now. We don't have room." Sharon replied.

"Then I'm gonna sleep in your bed." Victoria said.

"And where am I going to sleep?" Sharon asked.

"Alfie is staying at the Mariott. You can go over there and sleep with him." After hearing that comment, even Rusty couldn't help but chuckle.

"Rusty, if you're done with your homework, you can watch TV." She said and it was clear that she was now angry. "Mother, Alfie and I are no longer married. Nothing will ever bring us together ever again."

"Then you don't have anything to worry about. You can go and sleep in his room at the Mariott and it will all be just fine." Victoria said.

"What is he doing here anyway?" Sharon asked, irritated.

"He wanted to see you. I thought it would be good for you." Victoria replied.

"I don't think it's a good idea." It seemed that Sharon was able to regain her composure again.

"Well, I'm taking your bed, Sharon. I hope you find somewhere to sleep." Her mother stated. "Help me carry my luggage there." Sharon nodded slowly and went over to the hall, where she left her mother's suitcase. She dragged it down the hall and put it in her bedroom.

"Goodnight, mother." She said. She walked over to the living room and sank into the couch heavily.

"She's intense." Rusty said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. She'll go back to Salt Lake City in a few days and we will be free." Sharon replied.

"You can have my bed until she leaves." Rusty offered. She looked genuinely exhausted.

"No, it's your room. You're gonna sleep in it." She replied.

"And where are you gonna sleep?" Rusty asked.

"Don't worry about me." Sharon shrugged.

"What about that Alf person? Why won't you go to his hotel room?"

"Alfie is my husband and we've been separated for over 20 years. I'm not going to sleep in his room. And anyway, I wouldn't leave you alone with her." Sharon replied.

"What kind of name is Alfie anyway?" Rusty asked.

"It's a short for Alfred." Sharon explained with a shrug. She could still remember the time that Alfie's name gave her a pleasant feeling. The goofiness of the name used to make her smile.

"It's a horrible name." Rusty exclaimed. Sharon tried to hide her smile, but it didn’t escape Rusty. "You see?" He grinned at her.

"He has some good traits, you know. We just didn’t work out." She said. Silence spread around them and it became awkward after less than a minute. They didn't even dare looking at each other. "Rusty," Sharon broke it eventually. "I should have told my family about you being here sooner."

"It's okay, Sharon." Rusty replied. "I'm not judging you."

"You should." She replied.

"I don't think I should. You're doing it already, and you should stop, really. Because this is useless. You can't change the past. You told me that, remember?" She nodded slowly, astounded that he actually listened to what she had to say.

"Rusty, I know that I probably don't say that much, but I want you to know that I'm very happy you're in my life."

"I'm also happy to be here. You're the first person who treats me like I'm worth something." He said. His words echoed in her head for a long moment after they were said. He probably didn't know, but she felt the same way too. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Sharon ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room but her sleep was light and fleeting. All night long she fought the thoughts that were racing through her mind, unsuccessfully trying to shoo them away so that she would be able to get some sleep. She wasn't sure if it was the couch that was uncomfortable or if it was the evening's events that chased her sleep away.

At 2 a.m. she finally gave up. She pushed her covers aside and went to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of white wine to calm down her nerves. With the glass in hand, she took a seat on the couch in the living room, but quickly realized that she needed a change of scenery. Grabbing her blanket and wrapping it around her body, she slid open the doors to her balcony. It was dark and a bit cold but she took a seat on one of the straw chairs that was there and sipped the wine slowly, letting it unnerve her. She did not hear the steps behind her and did not realize someone else was awake until she felt a hand on her shoulder.  She turned around slowly, as if she was not startled by the sudden touch. Rusty was standing there. She looked at him for just a moment. His hair was messy, the sleep was still in his eyes and his pajama was wrinkled.

"It's cold out here." He said in a tone so soft that Sharon has never heard him use before.

"Don’t worry about me, Rusty, I'm okay." She said. But Rusty didn't think it was true. Sharon always took care of other people. It occurred to him that she had no one to take care of her. He wondered how many times before he came to live with her she came back home, needing to talk to someone about the day she had and there was no one there. How many times had she wanted to get a hug and just feel the warmth of someone else comforting her, but all she had were pillows that she could wrap her arms around? He's never seen her friends. He wasn't even sure she had any. He was quite convinced until now that her parents were deceased and that she had no siblings. Her kids didn't call very often and it seemed to him that she led a lonely life. But Sharon was not the type of person who would throw a pity party for herself, so in that spirit, he stopped right there and then.

"Why is she acting like that?" He asked her.

"She means well." Sharon replied. "Sometimes parents show their concern by being too pushy. She's trying to compensate for mistakes that she made."

"What mistake did she do?" Rusty wondered.

"Way too many." Sharon sighed. "I've lost count a long time ago." She took another sip of her wine.

"Was she an alcoholic?" He asked. Victoria's comment about the wine earlier made him suspect that. Sharon shook her head.

"No. My husband is." She replied. "But he's been sober for many years now."

"That sounds like a tough situation." He knew he didn't have to tell her, but he had his own first-hand experience living under the same roof with an addict.

"It's not easy, but Alfie is a good man." She replied.

"Is this the reason you're separated?" Rusty didn't intend to sound so straightforward.

"There are many reasons and that was one of them." Sharon replied. Rusty liked it about her. She always answered what she was asked. She didn't avoid answering any question or addressing any matter that came up. He knew very few people like this. She finished her glass of wine and looked at him for a long moment. "It's really late and you have school tomorrow." She said. "We should go to sleep." She got up and they went back into the living room. Rusty slid the balcony door shut.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked. She looked exhausted and it was the first time that he had seen her without her makeup. No eyeliner, no blush, no lipstick, no mascara or fake lashes. She looked very fragile this way.

"I've been through worse." She smiled at him reassuringly. "Goodnight, Rusty."  


	5. Chapter 5

The phone rang and drew Sharon's attention from the pile of documents that she was handling and from the case she was working on. There was never a day without work at Major Crimes. Someone was always brutally murdered. She looked at the screen of her iPhone and fought the urge to refuse the call.

"Alfie," She said into the receiver after she chose the other option.

"Ronnie," His voice was deep and sultry. "It's been a while since I last heard your voice. I missed it." His silky voice gave her Goosebumps.

"I don’t see how. You just heard it this morning." She tried to keep her cool.

"You know…" Alfie started.

"Alfie, I'm busy." She said it softly. There was always something about him that made her heart quiver. =

"I know. I'll make this short." He replied. Oh, that voice of his, the one that told her he wanted something; something that she truly couldn't refuse.

"What can I do for you?" She asked.

"I wanna take you out for dinner tonight, just us." He said.

"I need to be with Rusty." She replied.

"Then bring him with you." Alfie replied. "Your mother is visiting friends anyway, and I'd love to get to know the kid." The idea of an evening without her mother was very captivating.

"I'll have to ask him if he wants to go out tonight. He won't be in until later." She tried her best to avoid this. A quiet evening with Rusty was just what she needed.

"I'll be picking both of you up at 8." Alfie declared. "And Sharon?" It was a bad sign that he used her name instead of calling her Ronnie.

"Yes?" She dragged the word on her tongue.

"Wear something nice." He said before he hung up. Her face was burning and she gasped for air. When Alfie said 'something nice' he didn't mean sophisticate or elegant or smart. No, he meant sexy, attractive, seductive. She buried her face in her palms. Rusty was about to witness a horrible situation and she felt that she needed to spare him this evening. Hell, she would spare it from herself if she could.

 


	6. Chapter 6

The evening came sooner than she expected and Sharon found herself staring into her closet blankly. Anything in her closet could fit any occasion, but nothing was suitable for a dinner with Alfie. There was a certain message she wanted to give him, but she wasn't sure what it was. It was just like her mother to bring Alfie along, knowing that he was one of the only people who made her feel uncertain and weak. So many times she had tried to resist him and so many times she fell for him. Each and every time, he left. He always left and now, with Rusty things had to be different. She couldn't fall for him now. She couldn't let Rusty put his trust in this person and then being left again. It was unfair for him. She got used to being left, but that was a sad reality that she brought upon herself each and every time and Rusty did not need to experience that feeling again.

"Sharon?" She heard Rusty's voice from the other side of the door.

"Come in." She said.

"What are you doing?" Rusty was already dressed to go out.

"I'm trying to decide what to wear." Sharon replied. "Oh, god. This is ridiculous." She said. "I'm not feeling well. I'm gonna call and tell Alfie that I'm sick. I have fever and we can't go." She reached for her phone.

"You always tell me I should deal with the things I come across and now you're chickening out?" Rusty asked. He wasn't too anxious for this dinner either, but he wanted to learn more about Sharon and this seemed like an opportunity to do just that.

"I have been dealing with Alfie for over 20 years. I don't want to go to this dinner." That was the closest thing to whining Rusty had ever heard her do. Suddenly they heard a knock on the door.

"I think you don't have a choice now." Rusty said.

"Yes, I guess we don't." Sharon replied with a sigh.

 


	7. Chapter 7

The little family-run Italian restaurant where Alfie made a reservation for them was cozy and just the kind of place Sharon liked. He knew her too well, she thought as she read the menu. She asked the waiter for the wine menu and Alfie glared at her.

"I'm sorry." She said and ordered ginger ale instead.

"So Rusty," Alfie said, "What do you like doing?" His question made Sharon's insides burn with rage. It was just like Alfie to try reaching her through Rusty. She knew it was fake. He didn't care for Rusty and she couldn't afford to believe this act.

"I like chess." Rusty replied apprehensively.

"This is great. Maybe you could teach me how to play. I'd love to learn." Alfie said. The waiter came with their drinks.

"So, how did you meet?" Rusty's question was directed more to Alfie than to Sharon and she tried to hide her disappointment. He could have just asked her that when Alfie was not around. She never minded answering his questions and she thought she was doing it quite patiently.

"Oh, we've known each other for almost our entire lifetime." Alfie replied and looked at Sharon proudly, as if he owned her. "We first met when I moved to Salt Lake City. I was 10 years old. We were neighbors and we were in the same class." Alfie smiled at her. "She's two years younger than me. This smart woman skipped two grades."

"So you were high school sweethearts or whatever?" Rusty asked. Alfie nodded.

"We grew up together and we were best friends."

"Cool." Rusty was sort of expecting this kind of story. It was very becoming of Sharon to marry her first boyfriend whom she known for almost her whole life.

"You know, Ronnie, I have to tell you that you look amazingly stunning tonight." Alfie said. "Doesn’t she, Rusty?" Sharon gave Rusty a warning gaze and he nodded slowly. In a swift and sleek movement, Alfie took her hand and slid his fingers between hers. The usually poker-faced Sharon could not hide her surprise and her face turned flush in a split second. She moved uncomfortably in her seat, as if she was trying to pull herself away from him. "I have a little surprise for you." Alfie said and quickly pulled a small, red velvet box from the pocket of his suit and opened it. In it there was a pair of pearl earrings. Rusty watched Sharon in awe. She seemed overwhelmed. "They're real." Alfie said and smiled at her. Sharon pulled her hand out of his, grabbed the silk napkin from her knees and threw it on the table.

"Rusty, we're leaving." She declared as she threw some money on the table to cover her and Rusty's share of the dinner. Rusty felt as if he could feel the raging heat that was radiating from her body. He got up and followed her outside. He has seen her angry before, but not like this. He knew very well that she was holding it together and that as soon as they would be outside, away from Alfie, she'd go off.

"Sharon, are you okay?" Rusty was genuinely worried about her. She rarely got mad and if she did, she probably had a good reason for it.

"I'm sorry I got you involved in this." She said.

"Why is he doing this?" Rusty wondered. He knew that Sharon and Alfie had been separated for a long time, but there seemed to be a much deeper problem underneath. Now that he learned that they knew each other for such a long time, he guessed that things were not as simple as they seemed to be.

"He wants us to get back together." Sharon, now calmer, replied. "It's never going to happen."

"Never say never." Rusty and Sharon turned around and saw Alfie coming out of the restaurant. "I'm sorry I've offended you, Ron-Ron. I meant well." He said. "Let me drive you home." She originally planned to take a cab, but now that Alfie was there, she knew he would never let her do that.

"Alfie, you may drive us home, but you're not staying. You're not even coming in." She stated. Alfie nodded and gave the valet his parking card.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Rusty wanted to know more, but Sharon seemed to be quite rattled by the events of the evening. He wasn't sure if he could or should push her for more information about herself or about Alfie. All he knew was that he had more questions.

Sharon was sitting on the couch and sipping white wine, which helped her calm her nerves. Rusty could see that she was not as disturbed as she was earlier, but just in case, decided to keep her company. She seemed to need it, although he wasn't quite sure what to say and neither was she. So they sat there in silence, each of them using the quiet time to do some thinking. It might have seemed awkward to any outsider looking at them, but the truth was that both of them felt very comfortable just being in the same room and saying nothing. It was comforting not to be alone, yet not to be bothered. A knock on the door drew both of them from their thoughts and they got up and went to open the door.

"Go ahead-" Rusty said and moved back. Sharon opened the door only to discover Alfie standing in the doorway.

"Oh god! What now?" she asked.

"Rusty forgot his jacket in my car." Alfie handed her Rusty's jacket.

"Thank you-" she said and before she could even think about closing the door, she felt his lips pressing against hers. For just one moment, she relished the warmth of his kiss.

"You taste like wine." Alfie drew back. He noticed the glass that she was holding in her hand. "I'll probably need to attend an AA meeting tomorrow." he said and bent forward to kiss her again. He captured her lips and she felt her body giving in to him, against her will. She felt Rusty's fingers digging into her shoulder and pulling her backwards.

"Good night-" Rusty said to Alfie and closed the door in his face. Sharon looked as if her mind was floating somewhere else. "Sharon," Rusty snapped his fingers in front of her face.

"Yeah, I know." She replied and handed him his jacket as well as her glass of wine. "He's gonna need to attend an AA meeting tomorrow." She said. Rusty wasn't sure what she expected him to do with the wine or why she handed it to him in the first place. After making sure that she snapped out of her trance, he handed her wine back to her. "Thank you." She said and Rusty just smiled at her, wondering if the situation could ever become more bizarre than it already was.

"Sharon, aren’t you supposed to be angry at Alfie?"

"I'm sorry that you had to see this, Rusty. It must be the wine." she said, "I better not drink the rest of it." She went to the kitchen and poured the wine into the sink. She threw a glance at her watch. "It's getting late. I think we should call it a night." Rusty pulled his iPhone out of his pocket and checked the time.

"You must be kidding me. It's 9 pm." he called out. "You want to go to sleep so you can pretend that what just happened didn't happen at all and that I didn't see it." Sometimes she hated him for being so honest. She sighed and shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket.

"If you have something you want to ask…"

"Why did you kiss him?"

Sharon was usually able to figure out Rusty's opinion about something by the tone of his voice, but he must have learned a thing or two from her, because his tone made it hard for her to understand what he was feeling about the kiss he witnessed.

"I did not kiss him, Rusty. He kissed me." she replied softly.

"That's not what it looked like from where I was standing." Angry, she thought; definitely angry.

"Rusty, I don't know what it looked like from where you were standing." she admitted. "I'm sorry that it upset you. I just drank a little bit more than I should have and it happened. Things like this happen."

"You only had one glass, Sharon." he exclaimed. "You always drink only one glass of wine and you never act this way."

"You know, normally I would be inclined to answer your questions, but I don’t like the direction this discussion is taking and frankly, what I choose to do with Alfie or any other man for that matter is my business. I'm sorry if it offended you in any way. Let's end it at that." she wasn't sure it was the right thing to do or say. She knew that in the long run it could have implications on their relationship and on their communication, but she was willing to take the risk.

 


	9. Chapter 9

The unending train of thoughts that plagued her mind made sleep evade from Sharon's eyes. She wasn't too surprised that Alfie kissed her. The last time he came for a visit, they spent the night together and seriously considered getting back together. If it was up to him, he'd be moving in with her and never leave, but she was the one who made the final call and decided that they should stay apart, just like they've been in the last 20 years.

Earlier that evening, she looked up and texted him the address of an AA meeting he could attend the next morning. Rusty glared at her and nibbled chips, carelessly or maybe deliberately dropping crumbs on the armchair and the carpet. Normally, she would say something about it, but this time she decided to let it go. She wished that he could understand that her relationship with Alfie was complicated and she was quite worried by his reaction to the kiss. Drawing the line was probably not the best idea, she thought. It must have been quite confusing for him to see her reject Alfie so ragingly at the restaurant and then allowing him to kiss her not once, but twice.

Realizing that she won't be able to get some sleep unless she does something about the situation she created, she got up from the couch and walked to Rusty's room, carefully wrapping her robe around her body before even knocking on the door.

"Rusty, are you awake?" she asked as she opened the door. He seemed to be sound asleep and she looked at him in the darkness. Slowly walking over to his bad, she tripped over his shoes and nearly fell down. She took a seat at the edge of his bed and gently put her hand on his shoulder. "Rusty," she whispered, "wake up." It was probably the craziest thing she'd ever done with Rusty.

"Mmhm." Rusty mumbled.

"Wake up, Rusty." she wished she had a nickname for him, but calling him Rust or Rus just seemed plain stupid to her.

"What?" Rusty almost jumped out of bed. "Sharon, what's wrong?"

"Everything's alright, Rusty. Calm down." Sharon replied. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"What time is it?" Rusty grabbed his iPhone and checked the time. "It's 2 am. Are you sure everything's good?" Sharon nodded slowly.

"I didn't like the way our conversation ended this evening." she said, "I owe you an apology and while I still think that I'm entitled to have personal life, I want you to know that the way that I handled…" Rusty waved his hands in the air and made her stop her little speech.

"Sorry is enough, really." he said. "And stop feeling guilty about everything all the time."

"I'll try." Sharon sighed, "Before I let you go back to sleep I just wanted to say that you can always ask me anything and I'll try to be more patient while answering your questions."

"Okay-" Rusty yawned. "Good night, Sharon." he said and fell back asleep before Sharon could even reply. She left the room and closed the door behind her. With her conscience clean, she hoped that she will be able to fall asleep. That was a stupid thought of course, because as soon as she lied down on the couch, her head started analyzing her relationship with Alfie. She thought it was a good thing that she did not take the earrings. It was just an attempt to buy her love. Money has never blinded her and therefore it was clear to her that his interest in Rusty and the pearl earrings were meant to manipulate her by using her deepest, unsatisfied need. It was that desperate need to be loved. Alfie knew that and even though she never came across as a person who needed love, she was probably in the need for it more than anyone else on the face of earth. She had good reasons, or at least she thought she did. At a very young age and under rough circumstances she has learned to disguise this need and walk around acting like an emotionally detached person. It was a well-guarded secret. Alfie was one of the only people who knew it and she thought that it was cruel of him to try using it against her in order to achieve his own goals. Maybe it was time to let it out, she thought. Maybe if she told someone why she felt this way, it will get easier. Maybe sheThe unending train of thoughts that plagued her mind made sleep evade from Sharon's eyes. She wasn't too surprised that Alfie kissed her. The last time he came for a visit, they spent the night together and seriously considered getting back together. If it was up to him, he'd be moving in with her and never leave, but she was the one who made the final call and decided that they should stay apart, just like they've been in the last 20 years.

Earlier that evening, she looked up and texted him the address of an AA meeting he could attend the next morning. Rusty glared at her and nibbled chips, carelessly or maybe deliberately dropping crumbs on the armchair and the carpet. Normally, she would say something about it, but this time she decided to let it go. She wished that he could understand that her relationship with Alfie was complicated and she was quite worried by his reaction to the kiss. Drawing the line was probably not the best idea, she thought. It must have been quite confusing for him to see her reject Alfie so ragingly at the restaurant and then allowing him to kiss her not once, but twice.

Realizing that she won't be able to get some sleep unless she does something about the situation she created, she got up from the couch and walked to Rusty's room, carefully wrapping her robe around her body before even knocking on the door.

"Rusty, are you awake?" she asked as she opened the door. He seemed to be sound asleep and she looked at him in the darkness. Slowly walking over to his bad, she tripped over his shoes and nearly fell down. She took a seat at the edge of his bed and gently put her hand on his shoulder. "Rusty," she whispered, "wake up." It was probably the craziest thing she'd ever done with Rusty.

"Mmhm." Rusty mumbled.

"Wake up, Rusty." she wished she had a nickname for him, but calling him Rust or Rus just seemed plain stupid to her.

"What?" Rusty almost jumped out of bed. "Sharon, what's wrong?"

"Everything's alright, Rusty. Calm down." Sharon replied. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"What time is it?" Rusty grabbed his iPhone and checked the time. "It's 2 am. Are you sure everything's good?" Sharon nodded slowly.

"I didn't like the way our conversation ended this evening." she said, "I owe you an apology and while I still think that I'm entitled to have personal life, I want you to know that the way that I handled…" Rusty waved his hands in the air and made her stop her little speech.

"Sorry is enough, really." he said. "And stop feeling guilty about everything all the time."

"I'll try." Sharon sighed, "Before I let you go back to sleep I just wanted to say that you can always ask me anything and I'll try to be more patient while answering your questions."

"Okay-" Rusty yawned. "Good night, Sharon." he said and fell back asleep before Sharon could even reply. She left the room and closed the door behind her. With her conscience clean, she hoped that she will be able to fall asleep. That was a stupid thought of course, because as soon as she lied down on the couch, her head started analyzing her relationship with Alfie. She thought it was a good thing that she did not take the earrings. It was just an attempt to buy her love. Money has never blinded her and therefore it was clear to her that his interest in Rusty and the pearl earrings were meant to manipulate her by using her deepest, unsatisfied need. It was that desperate need to be loved. Alfie knew that and even though she never came across as a person who needed love, she was probably in the need for it more than anyone else on the face of earth. She had good reasons, or at least she thought she did. At a very young age and under rough circumstances she has learned to disguise this need and walk around acting like an emotionally detached person. It was a well-guarded secret. Alfie was one of the only people who knew it and she thought that it was cruel of him to try using it against her in order to achieve his own goals. Maybe it was time to let it out, she thought. Maybe if she told someone why she felt this way, it will get easier. Maybe she should no longer keep it a secret. But who could she tell it to? Who could she trust with this heavy truth that molded her into the person that she was? Who would understand it? She knew Rusty would, but he was a child, even if he thought of himself as an adult. He was still a child and he didn't have to deal with Sharon's personal issues.

  should no longer keep it a secret. But who could she tell it to? Who could she trust with this heavy truth that molded her into the person that she was? Who would understand it? She knew Rusty would, but he was a child, even if he thought of himself as an adult. He was still a child and he didn't have to deal with Sharon's personal issues.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Rusty was sitting in the living room and playing chess by himself. Sharon was sprawled on the couch, the blanket over her face and her right foot dangling off the couch. The house was quiet and the light was dim. A few yellow sunrays invaded the room through the curtains and created patterns on the floor.

The previous night had left Rusty confused. He didn't need much information to understand that despite the façade she was trying to put forward, Sharon still had strong feelings towards Alfie. It scared him. He could see that Alfie's intentions were not pure; he wanted something from her. Sharon rolled on her side and her pillow fell to the floor. She sent her hand from under the blanket and groped around, moaned in frustration as her hand was not able to get a hold of her pillow. She threw the blanket aside and grabbed her head as the light from the window hit her eyes.

"Good morning, Sharon." Rusty said.

"Morning," she mumbled. "What time is it?"

"It's around 8." Rusty replied. "Did you sleep well?" 

"Until I lost my pillow-" Sharon shrugged. "Who's winning?" She motioned towards the chess board.

"I am." Rusty grinned.  

"Did my phone ring?" she asked and Rusty shook his head.

"So, what are we gonna do today?" Rusty asked. It was Sunday and it was Sharon's only day off, unless she was called out to a crime scene.

"I don't know. I guess we can just…"

"Sharon, why aren't you ready?" A voice called from the hall. Her mother was standing there, all dressed up.

"It's my only day off. I slept in." Sharon replied.

"Well, you need to get up now. We're going to church." Victoria declared. 

"Church?" Sharon frowned.

"When was the last time you went to church?" Victoria raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Well, you know, Mom, I don't really have the time…" Sharon cringed.

"Nonsense!" Victoria exclaimed. "We're going, all of us!"

"I need to stay with Rusty, Mom." Sharon tried to excuse herself out of going to church.

"Rusty is coming with us" Victoria stated.

"No, mom. You don't understand, Rusty… Rusty doesn't go to church." She looked at Rusty. "He's not even Christian." Her mother always made her do despicable things like lying.

"Yes, that's true." Rusty came to her rescue. "I'm…"

"Jewish!" "Buddhist!" Rusty and Sharon called out at the same time.

"Yes. Mother, Rusty is a Buddhist Jew." Sharon sighed. Victoria didn't look pleased or convinced.

"Well, Rusty can use this visit to church to educate himself about other religions." she said. "Alfie is coming to pick us up." Sharon looked at Rusty who seemed to be nervous. She was quite sure that he was thinking about the events that happened on the previous evening.

"Rusty, can we speak at your room for just a moment?" she said and gently grabbed his arm.

"I know what you're thinking." She closed the door behind her, "I'll behave, don't worry." She offered her best smile but Rusty still looked weird.

"Sharon, you have to get ready!" they heard Victoria's voice.

"Oh, dammit!" Sharon called out. Her swearing was not something to be taken lightly, Rusty thought. He couldn't recall hearing her swear before.

"Sharon, you know, I don't mind going to church. I'm already going to a Catholic school." he said.

"It's not that." She said.

"I know. It's Alfie." Rusty said with confidence. She nodded slowly. "Sharon, I don't like him. Why did he come here? Why is your mother here? There must be a reason for their visit." Sharon felt as if he had punched her in the stomach. She was so focused on trying to manage her relationship with Alfie and her mother that she never stopped to think why they came to LA to begin with. Rusty was right. There must have been a reason for this visit. Something must have happened. The kids, she wondered. Or her father, maybe. Something might have been wrong with someone back home.

"Oh, my god. You're right." she said. "Listen, I need to speak to Alfie and find out why they both came down here, so I'll have to go to church. You don't have to come if you don't want to."

"It's okay. Maybe it will be an interesting experience for me." Rusty replied. Sharon grinned. It was clear to her that the church was not all that appealing or interesting to Rusty. He probably wanted to watch over her, make sure that she was okay.  

It had been a long time since Sharon had visited church, but years of church-going engraved every word to every prayer in her mind. Something about the church, even though she didn't quite agree with what it represented, made her feel right at home. After the ceremony, Victoria stayed behind to chat with a friend who lived in LA and made plans to go to a lunch with her while Alfie drove Sharon and Rusty back home.

 Sharon did not like the idea of inviting him into her apartment after the events of the previous evening, but she needed to find out the reason behind this spontaneous visit to LA.

Alfie didn't look surprised to be invited into the apartment. He seemed to be expecting it. Rusty didn't like leaving Sharon alone with him, but he went to his room so they could have some privacy.

"Alfie," Sharon uttered his name softly. "We need to talk."

"If it's about last night…" he started.

"No," Sharon replied. She thought she heard Alfie sighed in relief. Maybe he'd had enough of this relationship as well. "I want to know why you're here."

"The truth?" he asked.

"Nothing but the truth," she replied, and they sat down on the couch.

"It's this kid." Alfie replied. Sharon arched her eyebrows, but waited for him to explain. "Your mother and I think that having this kid around is not good for you."

"I don't see why you would think that. Rusty is a great boy." Sharon said.

"It's not his nature that we're worried about, Ron-Ron." He took her hand. "How shall I say it… We think that you took him in because you felt that it might compensate for what you didn't have."

"Alfie, I understand your concern but it isn't your business." The gaze in her eyes was sad and he could hear in her voice that she was hurt by his words.

"Maybe it's time for you to open the file, read it and put this behind you" Alfie suggested.

"I can never put it behind me," Sharon replied. "Alfie, when I told you about this, so many years ago, I thought you would understand, but truth is that no one can."

"You took this kid in because you think you know how he feels," Alfie replied. "And you want to give him what you didn't get. I understand it perfectly. And I think it's very noble."

"Then why are you trying to convince me to give him up?" She took a deep breath and held the air in her lungs for as long as she could.

"You know what I absolutely hate about you?" Alfie asked and continued without waiting for an answer. "I hate the fact that no matter how loved you are it's never enough for you and it will never be enough, because there is something missing in your life and it isn't a foster kid. It's her. And you need to go, open the goddamn file and finally bring this mystery to an end. Enough with this saga."

"I can't." Her voice was broken.

"What scares you so much? What are you afraid of knowing?" He never understood what was stopping her.

"I'm scared to find out there was a reason," Sharon replied.

"A reason for what?"

"A reason why she gave me away," Sharon replied. "Why would she give me away?"

"Who gave you away?" Rusty, who was on his way to the kitchen, walked into the living room. "Sharon, why are you crying?" He looked at Alfie with blaming eyes. Only then did Sharon realize that tears were rolling down her face.

"It doesn't matter, Rusty. I'm fine." She forced a fake smile.

"You're crying, so it does matter." He took a seat next to her on the couch. "It matters to me. Please tell me."

"My mother" Sharon replied. "She gave me away." Rusty's jaw dropped. He'd been living with her for months and he didn't even realize that they shared a similar experience. "My father and Victoria were married for a few years. They couldn't have kids of their own, so they adopted me." Sharon tried to put it in very simple words. "But Victoria could never really accept the fact that she can't have a child of her own. She never truly loved or accepted me. She made sure I knew she agreed to take me in, not because I deserved it, but because my father wanted it." Only now did Rusty realize that Sharon and Victoria looked so different because they were not biologically related.

"She does love you, Ronnie" Alfie interfered. "Why do you think she came here? I know she can be mean to you sometimes and she's bossy, but it's just because she doesn't know how to show you her love."

"It's too late for her to love me" Sharon replied coldly.

"It's hard to love someone who doesn't know how to accept love, Sharon. Your father never told you, did he?" Alfie asked.

"Told me what?"

"You were not adopted as a baby," he said. "You were three years old when they adopted you. He said that you refused to let Victoria bathe or touch or feed you. How could she show love to a kid who rejected it?"

"Why would he tell you and not me?" Sharon looked at him with disbelief.

"He wanted me to know so I could understand you." Alfie replied. "And he thought that if you knew the truth, it would do more damage than good."

"Then why are you telling me this now?" Sharon asked.

"Because now I understand you. It took me all these years to realize why you are the way you are. Why you push everyone away all the time," Alfie explained.

"That's not true. I don't push people away" Sharon protested.

"Sharon, even your career choice was meant to push people away. Internal Affairs? Come on, that position screams 'I'm unfriendly' so loud that I could go deaf." Sharon could have debated him over her career choice at IA, but she just listened. "You are pushing people out of your life because you are terrified that they will leave you. You always go first."

"Alfie, seriously, what are you doing here?" she asked the same question she asked at the beginning of the conversation.

"I'm here because I think you should open your adoption file. You need to go and find out who your birth-mother is and ask her" Alfie replied. He looked at Rusty. "Wouldn't you want to know why your mother left you?"

Rusty looked at Sharon, who seemed shocked by Alfie's straightforward and rather inappropriate question.

"Sharon," Rusty said, "Remember how you told me that I can’t run away from my past?" She nodded. "Neither can you."

 


	11. Chapter 11

Sharon knew that Alfie and Rusty were right. There was just one way to let go of her feeling of abandonment and hopefully get rid of the horrible void inside her. From the very beginning, she had told Rusty to face his fears and be brave, but she found it difficult to stand behind her words. She could be the tough cop and shoot down a violent man twice her size with a beanbag rifle, but she was not able to find the strength to ask Victoria about the details of her adoption.  

She always knew that she was adopted, that she didn't belong to the Raydors, and she never told anyone except for Alfie. She never even told her children and she was almost unwilling to admit it to herself. It was much more comfortable having the horrible Victoria as a mother than some unnamed mother who didn’t want her. Why? she had wondered all of these years. Why would any mother give up her child? Why would her mother not want her? Until Alfie told her, she didn't know that her parents adopted her when she was three years old. She thought that they had adopted her shortly after she was born. She didn't possess any memories from that age and it brought up so many new questions about her life before she came to live with the Raydors. Where was she born? What did she look like as a baby? Did her birth-mother ever have any other children? Did she ever get to hold her and look at her? Did she ever regret giving her away? So many questions were running through her mind and she knew that she had to ask someone.

"You have to tell me everything you know, Alfie," she said. "What did my father tell you?"

"I already told you three times, Ronnie," Alfie replied. "You know, it would be much easier for you to ask Victoria," he said. "Maybe she knows something about your mother."

"You know very well that Victoria will never tell me anything," Sharon responded.

"Ron-Ron, I know you hate to think about it, but Victoria is your mother. She raised you, she cooked for you, she gave you a home and clothes and who knows where you would be if it wasn't for her," Alfie said.

"And your point is…" Sharon was impatient. She needed to know; now.

"You need to talk to her," Alfie replied.

"Alfie, I can't ever stand being in the same room with her for more than a minute. How can I even ask her everything that I want to know?" Sharon asked. Alfie smiled at her. "What?"

"You're not gonna trick me into talking to her on your behalf," he replied. "There are things you should handle on your own."

"I hate you," Sharon frowned.

"You always do," Alfie grinned and kissed her on the cheek. She smiled, but Alfie knew her too well and it was easy for him to see that it was just a pretense; her eyes reflected her true emotions, and happiness was not one of them.   

 


	12. Chapter 12

Sharon was preparing dinner. She needed to have a reason to actually sit with Victoria around the same table and dinner seemed like a good opportunity. Rusty was helping her and she was happy that he was talking to her about the chess club and telling her about his friends from school. It was distracting her from the chaotic thoughts that were racing through her mind like a faster-than-light train.

"Does she like a lot of chili peppers in the sauce?" Rusty asked.

"Not too much. But you can put some ginger; she loves ginger," Sharon replied. They were making an Asian meal. Rusty was dominating the kingdom of stir fried noodles, which was his specialty and Sharon was rolling sushi. She felt so comfortable working with Rusty in the kitchen. He was so confident when he cooked and it gave her strength and calmed her down. If everything went well, Victoria might be inclined to answer some of her questions. They heard a knock on the door and Sharon left the sushi and went to open the door with shaking hands. It was the moment of truth and she could no longer hide. 

"What is that wonderful smell?" Victoria looked at her and noticed her apron. "You've been cooking" she said.  

"Yes. Rusty and I prepared dinner for you" Sharon took a deep breath. "It's almost ready. You can take a seat."

"Oh, that's lovely," Victoria said. "You haven't made dinner for me since you were 10 years old." Sharon had a nasty reply at the end of her tongue, but she swallowed it. There was no use in starting a fight. It surely wouldn't serve her well. She finished cutting the sushi into pieces and arranged them on a square plate. Rusty helped her carry the food to the table and they sat down. Both Rusty and Sharon grabbed their chopsticks and were about to put food on their plates. "Don't the two of you say grace?" Victoria asked.

"No, not really," Sharon replied.

"Sharon, you used to say it so nicely," Victoria smiled at her. She seemed to be in a good mood and Sharon intended to take advantage of it. If saying grace was what it took, she could definitely do it.   

"Sure, why not?" she replied and forced a smile. "Some have meat and cannot eat; some have no meat but want it. We have meat and we can eat and so we have to thank for it." She found that the smile and the blessing were comforting. "Amen."

Victoria looked pleased and Rusty also smiled. He thought it was a funny way to say a prayer, but it definitely seemed to ease Sharon's tension. They all put food on their plates and started eating. "Mom, I was hoping you'd be willing to help me with something," Sharon said after a while.

"You've never asked me for help before. What's wrong?" Victoria asked.

"Nothing is wrong, Mom," Sharon replied and put down her chopsticks. "I just wondered if you could answer some questions that I have."

"I see." Victoria also put her chopsticks down. "You want to know about HER," she spat the last word. Sharon dared to sneak a gaze into her mother's eyes. It seemed that sadness crept into them.

"Yes" Sharon replied.

"I don't know much. I didn't really bother to ask any questions back then. All I really cared about was that I finally had a healthy child." It was the first time Sharon realized that her parents might have had biological children before adopting her. She always thought that they couldn't have any at all. "Yes," her mother seemed to notice Sharon's discovery. "We had two boys before you. They both died shortly after they were born."

"So what can you tell me?" Sharon went back to the subject.

"Why do you even want to know about her? She gave you away; she didn't want you. You really need to find her just so you can ask her why?" Victoria asked. "I'll tell you why. She was probably a kid who got pregnant by accident or a mother who had too many children and couldn't handle another one." 

"Why are you being so mean, Mother?" Sharon asked.

"Because I am your mother," Victoria replied and her eyes filled up with tears. "I raised you, I loved you, I wanted you and all I ever get from you is ingratitude."

"I have the right to know." Sharon felt the tears rising in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry, not in front of her mother.

"We took you from an orphanage in Nevada when you were three years old. Your name was Elizabeth." Her mother's bottom lip was shaking, as if she also tried to hold back tears. "We wanted to give you a fresh start, so we changed your name but we kept Elizabeth as your middle name, just so you won't feel too detached."

"Why did you go to adopt in Nevada?" Sharon squinted.

"That's where we lived at the time," Victoria explained. "We came to the orphanage and we saw so many children. All of them looked at us with hopeful eyes and they wanted us to take them with us, but not you," Victoria said. "You were lying in your crib and the look in your eyes was so hopeless and distrustful. I tried to pick you up, but you wouldn't let me and I knew right there that you needed me more than any other child in that place. All the kids had hope, except for you and that is why we chose you; we wanted to show you that people can love and that everyone has a chance." Sharon felt Rusty's hand sliding into hers under the table. She gave it a little squeeze. "And I understand why you took Rusty in. I do. You needed to fix yourself. It's much easier to bond with a person who’s been through a similar experience."

"Mom, Rusty has nothing to do with this." Sharon's voice shook. The last thing she needed was Rusty to feel like she was using him to sort out her own personal issues.  

"Maybe not on the conscious level, dear, but his being here has everything to do with it and seeing the both of you and how close you are makes me envy you. He appreciates what you've done for him," Victoria said.

"I appreciate everything you've done for me," Sharon replied.

"Sharon, there is no need to deny the fact that you resent me. Maybe I deserve it. I gave up on getting close to you much too soon. I should have not tried to gain your attention by humiliating you and putting you down all those years. I understand that now. I want you to know that despite of everything, I love you and I've always loved you. And I'm truly sorry for all the times I made you feel that you were worthless. I never really believed those awful things I said to you."

"Apology accepted," Sharon replied.   

Rusty looked at her and couldn't help but feeling sorry for her. He couldn't imagine what it would be like living with her if she'd had given up on him early on the same way Victoria did to her. After the life that she's had, she could have become bitter and angry, but instead she was a kind, loving and giving person. To him, she was the living proof that some people are just born with a truly good and pure heart.

"I'll be going back to Salt Lake City tomorrow." Victoria said. "You don't want me here and I don't want to stand in your way anymore." And with these words, Victoria left the table.

Sharon and Rusty exchanged gazes. Both of them had a lot of information to process. Rusty opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind.

"Rusty, your being here has nothing to do with this, no matter what she says," Sharon broke the silence.

"It wasn't what I was thinking," Rusty said. "I was just thinking that there's more to her than meets the eye."

"I agree," Sharon played with the food on her plate. They let silence spread around them again until Sharon broke it again. "You know, she confuses me. I can't hate her, but I don't know how to love her either. When it comes to her, I'm in limbo." She hoped that Rusty would understand. He must have had similar feelings towards her when he had just come to live with her. Her eyes scanned his expression, trying to figure out what to make of it. He seemed to be overwhelmed by the situation and she realized that it wasn't fair on her part to put her burdens on his shoulders. It was her cross to bear and not his, and he shouldn't be the one coming up with a solution.

"My mother isn't the smartest person. She made really bad choices," Rusty said, "but she always said to me that love and hate are two different ways to express the same feeling."

 


	13. Chapter 13

Sharon took Victoria's suitcase out of the trunk of her car. It seemed like Victoria's stay with her had been very long, but in fact it had only been three days since she arrived. Her parents usually didn’t come to visit her in LA. She usually saw them twice a year, at Christmas and during the summer, when she came to visit her kids.

"Tell Dad that I miss him," she said as she wrapped her arms around her mother. Victoria didn't seem to expect the hug. Usually they parted coldly. "And if my work allows me and everything is right with Rusty, I'll come home for Christmas."

"I hope you find her," Victoria said. "And I hope that it will finally put your mind at rest." Sharon watched her mother walk away into the passenger hall and went back into her car. Now that she had more information in her hands, she could start looking for her birth-mother, but she knew that it would take her some time, especially since her adoption records were kept in Nevada and she needed to juggle Rusty and her job rather than traveling across the country. Knowing some more details about her adoption made her consider letting the matter go. She had Rusty and that was enough for her, at least for the time being.

 

* * *

Sharon had only been to Nevada once before; or at least one time that she wasn't too young to remember. It's been almost two months since Victoria's visit and she was finally able to take a short vacation from work. She hoped two days would do, because she didn't like having Rusty out of school during weekdays.

She parked her car in front of the local archive in a small god-forsaken town called Glendale. The orphanage where she spent the first three years of her life had closed down in the early 60's and was demolished half a decade later, so all the files had been moved to the local archive. She contacted the archive manager prior to her arrival and after handing in all the required paperwork, she received an email that said they had prepared her files for her and that she could come over and read them.

Her hands were shaking when the archivist handed her the file. It was thick, yellow and crisp and she looked at it with awe, as though it were the Holy Grail that she was holding in her arms. The archivist directed her to the seating area, where she could sit and read the file. Rusty took a seat next to her and watched her attentively. A muscle at the corner of her mouth twitched and that was enough for him to know that she was nervous. He knew what it felt like; he had had a similar experience recently. The moment Sharon opened the file a photo  detached from the inner cover and fell into her lap. She picked it up and looked at it. _'Elizabeth, 3 months old'_ it said on the back. It was the first time she had seen a baby picture of herself. It looked very similar to a baby photo that she had of her daughter. For the first time in her life, she was able to compare her own baby picture with those of her children. She held the photograph as if it were the most precious diamond in the world. Rusty looked at her and swallowed hard.  

"Can I see?" he asked. With trembling hands, she handed him the photo. He looked at it and smiled. The baby in the photo had big cat-eyes, a dark mane on her head and a strong jaw line. It was, without a doubt, Sharon as a baby. He could feel that she was holding herself back to avoid crying, and he gently put his hand on her shoulder. She took a deep breath and started reading the first document in the file; it was her birth certificate.

"Name: Elizabeth Banks," Her lips formed the words, her name. She didn't feel like an Elizabeth; let alone an Elizabeth Banks. She felt like a Sharon or more specifically, a Sharon Raydor-Hayes. "Date of birth: March 7th, 1955," she read out loud. At least the birth date she knew was correct. "Father: Unknown." She shrugged. She didn't have any illusions about it to begin with. She expected the identity of her biological father to be unknown. And anyway, she had a great adoptive father. "Mother: Anna Ruth Banks" At last, after so many years, she had a name to call the person who gave birth to her. She read through the rest of the files; there were some hospital records, but she could not find any other mentions of her mother.

"Sharon, breathe," Rusty said. She looked at him with tearful eyes and took the next document in the pile. It was a release form from the hospital; according to the form, she was two and a half months old when she was released. It didn't say why she stayed there for that long, but the new address was the orphanage. The next document was the admission form from the orphanage.

"Date of admission: May 14th 1955" Sharon read from the paper. "Parents: None." She sighed. The following documents described her development and health throughout the three years she spent in the orphanage. The last documents in the file described the adoption process, which was rather hasty. It seemed that the person in charge of the adoption wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible. Sharon could only assume it was because they were scared that no one wanted an older child, especially one that was quite asocial, as the development documents indicated. "That's all of it," she said, sounding a little disappointed.

"You have her name and her Social Security number on the birth certificate. It should be easy for you to find her." Rusty tried to cheer her up and she smiled at him.

"Maybe," she replied. Closing the file, she walked over to the archivist. "Could you please make a copy of this file for me?" she asked.

"I thought that you'd be asking that, so I made one for you in advance." The archivist replied and handed her a file in return for the original one.

"Is it possible for me to keep the photograph?" Sharon tried her luck. The archivist looked at her and it seemed like she was contemplating her answer. Sharon assumed that she didn't get to see too many adoptees arriving at her archive.

"Sure, why not?" She smiled. "Everyone deserves to own their first photo."

 


	14. Chapter 14

The Christmas party at Sharon's parents had always been a great event. Every year, Victoria and Michael Raydor invited their friends and extended family and hosted a wonderful dinner party in their house. Their parties were well known in the suburb where they lived and many of their neighbors attended. Sharon usually loved the huge party because she didn't have to deal with Victoria and her comments, but this year she was happy to discover that her parents planned an intimate dinner. She preferred having the chance to use the holiday to reconcile with Victoria and she thought it would also be good for Rusty to really get to know her children.

Her children, Sean and Erin, arrived in the afternoon. She was quite anxious to introduce Rusty to them, although she was not sure what their reaction would be. While Erin was quite apprehensive about Rusty, Sean thought it was 'awesome' having a foster brother. Sharon was greatly relieved but wished she knew how Rusty felt about them, now that he had finally met them. The commotion around the house was so big that she didn’t get a chance to ask him.

It was only after her entire family went to sleep that Sharon was able to sit with Rusty for a talk. They were sitting in front of the fireplace and sipping from the gingered hot chocolate that Sharon had prepared. It was her specialty and one of the tricks that she had in her bag to warm up on cold winter nights.

"So, how are you feeling?" she asked. Rusty took a sip of his hot chocolate and smiled.

"I'm great" he replied, not sure what to add.

"You seemed a little overwhelmed earlier." Sharon indicated.

"I'm not used to big Christmas dinners and get-togethers," Rusty admitted. "Usually it was just me and my mother; sometimes one of her boyfriends, but no one else." It was a piece of information Sharon had not heard about Rusty's life before.

"Did you do anything special?" she asked.

"Not really. My mother would just drink in front of the TV. Most of the time she drank all the eggnog we bought before midnight." He didn't seem too keen on this subject. "She did give me gifts the times we had a tree."

Sharon was not able to imagine Christmas without a tree and gifts. If she didn't have a tree, it would probably take away all the magic of the holiday. Even imagining Christmas without it made her feel down.

"Well, I'm glad that I get to spend this holiday with you," she said. "And I'm very happy that you finally met Sean and Erin. I hope they were nice to you." She knew that Rusty would be honest about it. He nodded slowly and took another sip of his hot chocolate.

"What's in this?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I put ginger and cinnamon in it," Sharon replied.

"It's really good. How come you've never made it before?"

"I usually make it just for Christmas eve." She shrugged. "But I could teach you the recipe. It's really easy."

"Do you think they're jealous?" Rusty asked.

"Who?"

"Erin and Sean. Do you think they’re jealous because you spend less time with them than usual?" Rusty asked.

"Did they give you any trouble?" Sharon inquired.

"No, they were nice. At least Sean was. Erin was a little cold," Rusty admitted.

"Erin takes after me" Sharon smiled. "She doesn’t react well to big changes. She probably just needs some time to process this. Don't worry about her," she said. Erin not only looked like a 30 years younger version of Sharon, but also had the same manner of speaking and mechanical gestures. It usually misled people and made them think she was a cold-hearted bitch, but in fact, she was a smart and friendly young woman who just happened to be a little bit more introverted than other people. "You know, they say that parents make all the mistakes on their first child. I guess that's why Erin is so much like me."

"If that's true about parents and first-borns, what happens to people like us?" Rusty wondered.

"Oh, that's easy," Sharon grinned. "We're plain screwed."


End file.
